Texts From Ponyville

Rarity in sauna with Fluttershy, exitedly explaining “(760): But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I’m gonna marry this guy”

Pinkie pie knocking frantically at a outhouse door, saying (509): My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.

[Description: A sly-looking Twilight Sparkle standing in front of a completed checklist hanging on the wall. Text: “(412): I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.”]

[Description: A pony in a Wonderbolt costume is walking away from Rainbow Dash in her Gala dress. Text: “(386): Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.”]

[Description: Rarity is looking annoyed. Text: “(905): No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags”]

[Description: Sweetie Belle poses with a fierce expression on her face and at a dramatic angle. Text: “(847): Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I’m adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.”]

[Description: A serious-looking Spike is reading a piece of parchment against a background of bookshelves. Text: “(269): Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.”]

[Description: Twilight Sparkle is looking at Pinkie Pie, who is smiling hugely and wearing a number of musical instruments, one-man-band style. Text: “(905): Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.”]

[Description: Twilight Sparkle is reading a book with a sort of confused, disquieted look on her face. Text: “(613): my text book just quoted the cookie monster”]